How does this grab you: The average human being spends 80% of their wealth in the last three years of their life. Take a second to let that sink in, because, in my humble opinion, that’s fucking nuts. If you go through your daily life thinking, I’ve gotta make those Benjamins, I just don’t have time to get to the gym, to take a walk, to spend the twenty minutes a day training the internal self, what that tells me is that you don’t have your priorities straight. If you’re putting money before vitality, you’re setting yourself up to blow it all at the end.
I’ve worked with so many people who have more than enough wealth to meet their necessities and beyond but don’t prioritize training themselves physically and internally. I mean, what are they saving all that money for? To spend it in the last three years of their life just trying to hold on for a little bit longer? Trying to claw back the vitality they lost? And hey, I’m not saying investing and saving isn’t important. I invest, I train people to invest, we should all be building wealth. But not to the point that it compromises our wellbeing.
So, how and what should you prioritize? Here’s how I do it: First and foremost is my inner state, second comes health and vitality, third is relationships, and fourth is…everything else. This formula isn’t random. It’s by design. Let’s break it down and take a closer look:
1–Inner State. This should always come first and foremost. You might be a physical specimen, muscles like boulders, the heart of an ox, but what good is it if you’re an emotional wreck? You might have enough money to wipe with hundred dollar bills, but what good is it if you're miserable? Think of your inner state as the root system of a tree. It’s only when those roots are tended with proper soil and plenty of water that a sapling can grow into a mighty oak. But if they’re left to whither, all it takes is a good gust of wind to send that tree crashing through the roof.
When I was in my early twenties, at the very start of my journey, I worked as a caregiver for a rabbi who was in his nineties. Now, I’m not one of these out of bed before the crack of dawn kind of guys. If that’s your thing, have at it. No shade from me, it’s just not my thing. But this rabbi, he was not only up before the sun, he was ready to sit down and eat his breakfast at like 5 a.m. Which meant I had to be up an hour earlier to have his breakfast ready for him. Needless to say, I wasn’t super excited about it. I would come in grumpy every morning, half asleep, but trying to be polite. I’d get him set up with his oatmeal or his poached eggs or whatever it was that day and then be like, I’m going back to bed. Meanwhile, he’s jovial, animated, full of vim and vigor. And one morning he asked me, Do you know why I’m so happy? I was like, No and I’m not interested and you’re cutting into my nap time. And he said, When you’re ninety-six and you wake up and you’re alive, that’s something to celebrate.
That really hit me. I thought, Do I really need to wait until I’m ninety-six to decide that life is precious? I realized that this man, as a rabbi, spent his entire life training his inner psychology, his emotions, his mind. And now, even though his body was breaking down, he couldn’t get around so well, his inner state was extraordinary. I guarantee he was more fulfilled than any twenty-four-year-old with loads of physical vitality. And so for me, it’s my mind and my emotions that dictates my quality of life. Period. End of story.
2–Health and Vitality. Close on the heels of training the mind and the emotions is training the body. Because anything you prioritize above health and vitality is worthless if your body is falling apart. Just think about the last time you got really sick. By day two you would’ve seriously considered amputating a limb if it meant feeling good again. You don’t care about how much is in the bank account, the square footage of the house, the shiny sports car in the custom garage. All you care about is getting better. Nothing reminds us how invaluable our health is like spending a night curled up around the base of a toilet.
The good news (depending on your definition of good news) is that we’re all in the same boat. Everyone has to earn their vitality. It’s a level playing field. Doesn’t matter if you’re a billionaire or you don’t have two wooden nickels to rub together, you earn your vitality the same way. By showing up and doing the work. And if you’re not already prioritizing health and vitality, it doesn’t have to be a monumental task. Just start doing something. A twenty minute walk, some pushups, some squats. Anything to get the body moving everyday. Establish a routine you can stick to and then build upon it over time. It’s never too late to start, but why start any later? Get out there and shake that money maker!
3–Relationships. Human beings are social creatures. It’s an evolutionary strategy. Having strong relationships meant survival on the African plains. So when our relationships are out of whack, or downright unhealthy, our nervous system is triggered for trouble. You can’t buy your way out of it, or distract yourself from it, or surround yourself with enough shiny objects to soothe yourself. Repairing, tending, nurturing relationships with the people closest to you must be a priority for your own mental and emotional wellbeing.
Who you choose to be in relationship with is just as important as the amount of work you put into it. Cultivate relationships with the people who’ve shown you they’re worth it. Because like your physical and emotional states, the people around you dictate quality of life. If you allow yourself to be surrounded by people who are constantly complaining and being negative and, in some cases, being physically abusive, it doesn’t matter if they’re family, you can choose to separate yourself from them. You can choose to spend your time and energy on the people who inspire you, who lift you up, with whom you have a strong genuine connection. Your environment matters.
It’s incredibly challenging to be fulfilled without vibrant relationships in your life. Believe me, there are a lot of lonely, angry, cynical but very rich people out there. I’ve worked with many of them. I’ve watched people die, alone in their giant mansion because their family refused to be there, carrying a full load of resentment right up to the end. Joey, make sure they know what I think of them! Alright buddy, maybe you should just try to have a moment of peace here before the end. But nope. They went out with that anger and resentment. So nurture the relationships that are the most important to you, whether it’s twenty people or just your best friend since third grade. Healthy relationships are crucial to wellbeing.
Inner State. Health and Vitality. Relationships. Then…everything else. Once you have those three priorities in order, go for it. Make all the money, buy all the houses, go to all the places. But never compromise numbers 1, 2, or 3 for number 4. Live in a grass hut rather than buy a mansion if it means you won’t have the resources to invest in your wellbeing. When I started my practice, I lived in a shitty apartment in an even shittier part of Los Angeles. I was making money, I probably could have gotten myself a nice little condo in Newport Beach. But I had my top 3 to tend first. Most of the money I made went right back into my training. And clients had no problem coming to see me in my shitty little apartment rather than a fancy suite in Beverly Hills because the work I was doing on myself was paying dividends in the service I was able to offer them.
Do yourself a favor and check your priorities. It might be time to shift some things around. Make sure you’re putting mental and emotional state before all else. Treat your body like the finely tuned instrument that it is. And keep those meaningful relationships healthy and vibrant. As it so happens, these are the exact areas of life we train in our Power Series. Join us for a weekend and we’ll get you tuned up in all three. Click HERE to learn more about the Power Series and sign up today!
And if you really want to see what’s possible, step into IM Reset, where we take State and Health and Vitality to the next level…you’ll also build and deepen some enriching Relationships there too! See what’s possible at IM Reset HERE.