We’ve all had setbacks, run into roadblocks, sometimes it might feel like around every corner is another dead end. It can be easy to fall into feeling sorry for ourselves, to throw up our hands and decide the whole world is out to get us. Here’s a news flash: the world is not out to get you. The world is just doing its thing, like it was long before you were born, and will continue to do long after you’re gone. Our job is to create a life of our own design while navigating the uncertain road of life. The difference between having a fulfilling journey and driving your car into the Grand Canyon is your ability to be resilient.
Your ability to tolerate discomfort is proportional to the transformation you can achieve. Discomfort comes our way in many forms. It might show up as a setback at work, a challenge in a relationship, issues surrounding health or body image. But the greatest source of discomfort is change. Even positive change, change we have cultivated, can cause discomfort because our brain sees any change at all as a threat. Remember, the brain is wired for survival and the easiest (but not always the best) path to survival is maintaining the status quo. Any little bump in the road, even when that road is leading us toward our vision, causes the brain to stomp on the brakes and send up distress flares. But when we train resilience, we give ourselves a tool to not only manage discomfort, stress, and anxiety, but to also push through to the other side.
With that in mind, I wanted to share with you a story of resilience in action. Maggie and her long term partner recently bought a new house. Well, new to them. It was actually an old house. A really old house. But it was an incredibly charming house in an incredibly charming neighborhood where Maggie had always dreamed of living. It was a seller’s market and a bidding war ensued. Determined to land the purchase, they made their best offer which included waiving inspections and contingencies. Sure they might uncover some surprises here and there, but that’s home ownership, right? The important thing was, they got the house and they were going to live happily ever after.
That’s what they thought anyway.
Before moving in they decided to do some preemptive work on the house. And every stone they turned over revealed a new and exciting issue to solve. (Ever seen The Money Pit?) The house had two chimneys. One of them had been left in disuse for so long that a family of racoons had taken up residence. Racoons are cute to watch on Tik Tok videos, digging through trash cans and whatnot, but try evicting one from your chimney. Believe me, those suckers are vicious. If that wasn’t enough of a challenge, the other chimney was in such bad shape that even a suggestion of a breeze could topple it onto the roof. Just the cost of getting both chimneys up to snuff was the down payment on a new house.
The electrical system was so old that instead of a breaker panel, they found an old hamster wheel with a tiny little hamster skeleton in it and a sign with tiny little hamster writing that said, “I am Spartacus.” Okay, that’s not true, but the reality wasn’t much better. The roof, even without the chimney falling on it, needed to be replaced. There were termites in the walls. The kitchen counters were off level. Then there was the flood. A burst pipe covered the floors in a couple inches of water, but that wasn’t the worst of it. In the process of fixing the broken pipe, the plumber found a whole host of plumbing nightmares hidden in the walls, including, but not limited to, a leak behind a bathroom wall that some previous owner had attempted to remedy by wrapping an old towel around the offending pipe. Out of sight, out of mind, I guess.
I’ve worked with thousands of people in my career, people facing every type of challenge you can think of, and even I was surprised by the tsunami of setbacks that washed over Maggie. But through it all, she was able to maintain emotional buoyancy, much to the surprise of her family members (who claim that they would have tapped out long before). She just kept coming back with gratitude, a great attitude, and joy with the house and her partner. It was resilience that carried her through every new challenge that presented itself. And I would love to report that Maggie and her partner were able to put Humpty Dumpty back together again and are now living peacefully in their dream home, but alas, the story doesn’t end there. After managing most of the major repairs, and doing some real soul searching, Maggie and her partner decided to sell the house.
Now, I know what you might be thinking. That they gave up. They let the house get the best of them. Some of you might be thinking they were nuts to go as far as they did in the first place. But remember, this is a story about resilience, not only in the face of a challenge, but also in the ability to reassess and reconfigure without turning yourself into a victim. Maggie didn’t get angry at the house, or the previous owners, or the world for dealing her such a shitty hand. And she didn’t walk away dejected, deciding she’d been cheated or bamboozled, or that she just wasn't worthy of owning her dream home. Maggie will be the first to tell you that she and her partner let their initial excitement color the decision to buy the house, essentially sight unseen. Not the type of decision I would personally endorse, but it’s the one they made with certitude and determination. And when they made the tough choice to sell, they weren’t giving up. They recognized the situation they had created for themselves, they owned it with grace, and they made the decision to move on with the same certitude and determination to create something new. As of the time of this writing, the offers are coming in on the house and it’s looking like Maggie and her partner are going to actually walk away with some money in their pockets (and maybe a future in house flipping). Resiliency.
One of the key places we train Emotional Resilience is at Reset. Join us for a four day retreat in the beauty and solitude of the Colorado mountains to discover and re-train aspects of your Inner Matrix that are holding you back from the outcomes you want to achieve. You’ll train in the company of over 100 like-minded people all with the same objective: Live Better. Whether that means making more money, creating a vibrant relationship, or accessing fulfillment, joy, peace, and yes, resilience, IM Reset will train you how to create ANYTHING from the inside out.
Listen, I had both HVAC units in my house go out at the same moment and it wasn't my favorite. I've got to hand it to Maggie on this one – we're all impressed. If you'd like to face your challenges with emotional resilience, or anything else for that matter, click HERE to learn more about IM Reset and book your spot today!