Alright people, we’ve survived (and hopefully thrived) through Thanksgiving and/or Hanukkah, and we’re into the home stretch through Christmas, Kwanzaa, the New Year, or whatever else you might celebrate (or dread). For all the warmth and fuzzies the holiday season brings, it can also be a time of stress and anxiety for a lot of people. A lot of food, a lot of family time, a lot of shopping. A lot of cousin Jerry. I like to think of the holidays as the perfect time to put all your training to work. Because the key to keeping your sh*t together, holiday season or not, is managing your state.
Managing state is one of our core principles at IMS. We define and train Managing State like this: Hold a love-based state and take action from there. It’s a love-based state that drives vision. If you’re having trouble maintaining a love-based state, Acceptance and Compassion are the bridge back. If you notice someone else isn’t in a great state, point it out and support them in making a shift. Invite them to see it; invite them to change it (name vision and align). Support if you can. If you let another languish in a lower state and take no action, you are as, or more, responsible for it than they are. For our purposes here, I’ve boiled it down to a simple strategy you can utilize when you feel that stress level rising. If you have to, scribble it down on the inside of your wrist for a quick reference: (1) check your state. (2) only take action from a love-based state. (3) when in doubt, Acceptance and Compassion are a bridge back to a love-based state. Big caveat here—if you’re going to train state management with another, make sure they’re on board for it! If you waltz in to your company gift exchange and invite Tim from Accounting to shift his state, he *may* send a memo to HR.
Christmas Eve with the in-laws. Luckily, you get along great with your spouse’s parents, but this group includes a cast of characters that can be a bit challenging. During dinner, your brother-in-law, Greg, brings up the next presidential election, and he has very different opinions from your own. But that’s okay. You pull up the sleeve of your reindeer sweater and check the quick reference on your wrist: Acceptance and Compassion. With these two big guns front of mind, you can engage in conversation, offer up opinions, and stay away from confrontation. You’re probably not going to change Greg’s mind, and that’s okay. It’s not your job to do that. But if you engage from a love-based state, you’re much more likely to have a productive exchange of ideas.
Later on, you're helping to package up the leftovers in the kitchen, when Auntie Philomena pokes you in the belly and says, “Someone had an extra helping of sweet potato pie.” Your first impulse is to dump the gravy boat you’re holding on her perfectly coiffed hairdo, but cooler heads prevail. Sleeve. Wrist. Check: Acceptance and Compassion. Philomena doesn’t know about your emotional patterns around food and body image. She was just trying to make a little joke, maybe engage you in conversation. So you smile and say, “It’s gonna mean an extra mile on the treadmill tomorrow, but you know what? It was worth every bite” and the two of you have a good chuckle over the congealing green bean casserole.
At some point, you notice your spouse is starting to spiral. One too many sidebars with the siblings, discussing the family business. Who’s doing too much, who’s not doing enough, stuff that’s probably best left for after the holidays. You pull your spouse into the hallway and, holding that state of acceptance and compassion, you let them know that you see them, you get it, but together, let’s get back to that love-based state and finish up the night in good spirits. “Here, read my wrist.” Which brings a smile to their face and you head back out into the fray.
Hey, these are just scenarios I’m making up off the top of my head. I don’t know what your family’s like. Maybe for you, spending holidays with the family is nothing short of a giant love bomb filled with endless joy and wonder. I truly hope that’s the case. But family isn’t the only thing that triggers stress and anxiety around the holidays. For some people there are big emotions around spending money. Gifts, traveling, maybe eating out more often than the rest of the year. It can all mean a big hit to the pocketbook. For others, just the disruption of regular routine during the holiday season can send them into an anxiety vortex.
Whatever the case may be, any and every challenge the holidays bring are best met by managing your state. Holding that love-based state through thick and thin. If you’ve been working with us for a while now, take those tools, techniques, and strategies out for a spin and really kill it at the office Christmas party that you usually dread going to. If you’re new to IMS or just thinking about dipping your toes in, think about the strategies I talked about above, then join us in the new year for our Power Series. We’ll get you all tuned up, not just for the holiday season, but for any and every occasion that might present emotional triggers for you. Click HERE to learn more about the Power Series and sign up today!