Principles are the codes by which we live our lives. Some of the principles we live by are programmed into us by our parents, others we pick up along the way. Some principles require work, practice, and intention. Others are simply ingrained in us and we practice them without even realizing it. As a company, we at IMS operate inside of a set of culture principles that give us a playbook for what we’re going to do and who we’re going to be. In order for principles to be more than just words in a company handbook or beautifully stenciled noise on the walls of a corporate office, they need to be practiced, trained and tested. They need to be lived. In this series, I’ll explore several of our IMS principles as well as a few others that have been top of mind. Today: Honor.
What is honor, exactly? It’s one of those words that gets tossed around a lot but many people might be hard pressed to define it. You might honor someone’s wishes or honor your mother and father. You might make the honor roll or be the guest of honor or win the Medal of Honor. We call a judge Your Honor and politicians like to refer to themselves as “The honorable so-and-so from such-and-such” (although using the words politician and honorable in the same sentence may be a contradiction in terms). The point is, honor is a word that gets used a lot even though we may not give much thought to what it actually means.
In the most basic sense, to honor means to treat someone or something with admiration and respect. To be honorable means practicing a combination of other qualities like, honesty, courage, and integrity, to name a few. Like the other principles we’ve discussed in this series, we owe it not only to the people we live and work with, we owe it to ourselves to practice honor in all aspects of life.
Relationships: “I promise to love, honor, and cherish…” I mean, it’s right there in the vows. But what does honor in a relationship actually look like? In the most basic sense it means making the relationship a priority, above and beyond our own personal wants. It means showing up, paying attention, making our partner feel safe and secure and confident that we hear what they’re saying and that we see them for who they are. It means being flexible and willing to adapt to the changes that inevitably come with time. Spoiler alert: the person you married is not the person you’re going to wake up next to in five, ten, twenty years. And, by the way, neither will you be. A relationship is a living thing that grows and evolves, stumbles and falters, but when we honor our spouse or partner, we grow and evolve along with it and weather the storms together.
Honor in a relationship means being our partner’s greatest advocate and cheerleader, even if we may be having some doubts about the path they’re traveling. At the same time, it means expressing those doubts openly and honestly, in a constructive way that isn’t judgmental, hurtful, or disparaging. It means taking yourself and your agenda out of the equation and truly stepping into your partner's shoes, acting as them, for them. And believe me, that last bit is a rare capacity. It requires intention, practice, and training.
Ken and Janice have been married for thirty years. Their youngest just moved out and they are officially empty-nesters. The plan had been to downsize, sell the house, maybe buy a condo near the beach. Then Ken threw Janice a curveball. Before jumping into a condo, he wanted to buy an RV and spend six months traveling the country. Janice’s knee-jerk reaction was to say, No way, Jose. She had no interest in being a vagabond. But she respected Ken and before shooting down the idea, she thought about the vision they had set decades ago that included travel and adventures together, and all the times he had supported her over the years. Like the time she decided to turn Jared’s room into a workout gym. Or the year she spent as a vegan. Or when she quit her job and went to culinary school even though she couldn’t make a piece of toast without burning it. She realized six months wasn’t that long, the condo and the beach would still be there. She honored Ken’s wish because, in a healthy, loving relationship, that’s what you do.
Career: Honor in the workplace is essential. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, Opinions are like a$$holes, everybody’s got one. And in today’s world of social media it’s easier than ever to put your opinions out there for literally the whole world to see. It might be tempting to jump online and rant about what a horrible boss you have, or the “toxic” culture in your office, or how Judy in the next cubicle always smells like onions. You might get some likes and some affirming replies in the comment section, but what are you really accomplishing? And what happens when your boss stumbles across one of those vitriolic posts? Think he’s going to have a Come To Jesus moment? Say, Gee, Todd the IT guy doesn’t like me, I guess I should question my very existence? More likely you’re going to find yourself on the unemployment line.
Hey, maybe your boss does behave badly, and maybe he could be better at his job. But do yourself a favor and honor the position of authority. I promise, in the end, you’ll be better for it. Consider tapping someone who can support you to tend your side of the equation, and grow as a result…for example, your IM Trainer! In any event, keep it off social media and out of the workplace. Part of showing honor is behaving like a professional. Same goes for the people you work with. You don’t always get to choose your teammates. Some of them might rub you the wrong way. Some of them might smell like onions. You still honor their position and the work they do. And above all, honor the vision that you’re all working toward.
Dallas had his eye on a promotion at work. He’d put in the hours, covered all the bases, as far as Dallas was concerned, the job was his. He deserved it. Then the job went to Monica. Dallas was pissed. He was resentful. He was hurt. But he didn’t act on those feelings. Instead he used his training to refocus and regroup. Rather than give Monica a hard time and make it his life’s mission to make her miserable as his new boss, Dallas congratulated her on the promotion and let her know he was looking forward to working with her. It put Monica at ease and it caught the attention of someone else in the company. Two weeks later, a team leader from another division offered Dallas a senior position at nearly twice his current salary. He specifically cited the way Dallas had handled himself after losing the promotion to Monica. By honoring the decision to promote Monica and honoring Monica herself, Dallas set himself up for success.
Body: What could be more important than honoring our bodies? Afterall, we only get one. Think about the way you treat your car. (Just go with me.) It gets low on gas, you fill it up. You make sure it doesn’t run out of oil. You check the pressure in the tires, replace the air filters and the brake pads when they wear out. You take it to the shop on a schedule to have it serviced. But do you treat your body with the same diligence? The difference being, when the car finally takes a crap on you, or the lease comes up, or you just want something different, you can trade it in for a new one. Not the case when it comes to your body.
Honoring your body means treating it with respect. Fueling it with nourishing foods. Taking it out for some exercise. Relieving it from stress. Strengthening it. Celebrating and thanking it for making it possible to do all the things you want to do. At the very least, give it the same level of attention and respect that you give to your Subaru.
Jaycee didn’t honor her body. Most of her meals came out of fast food bags and she thought exercise was for the birds. She smoked cigarettes and drank alcohol everyday. At the age of 40, she was diabetic, obese, her cholesterol numbers were off the charts. Her doctor told her if she didn’t turn things around she wouldn’t see her 50th birthday. But, like many people, the fear of death wasn’t enough to get her to put down the 40 oz. Mountain Dew, but it was enough to get her thinking maybe she should try something different. With some training, Jaycee learned to honor her body. And it was from that mindset that she was able to start getting healthy. Because when you begin to respect something or someone, it’s pretty hard to treat them like shit.
It wasn’t too late for Jaycee, and it’s not too late for you to start bringing honor to all aspects of your life. Like anything else, it just takes intention and practice. As I said, here at IMS, we follow a guiding set of culture principles that inform who and how we’re going to be. Our IM Trainers strive to deliver respect and admiration, Honor, to their work, to their clients, and to each other as a team.
I work with high-achievers. People at the top of their game. My clients are individuals who want to make an impact—whether it is on their family, their community or the world at large—they have a drive and desire to be exceptional, and they want RESULTS. Part of creating those results is developing and training a principle of Honor. One of the places I go deep into training principles is with the Elite Cohort, a group of up to 20 individuals who drive together through a year-round curriculum led by yours truly. These folks want to optimize every area of life, and we get results.
The current Elite Cohort is full. The chemistry is just right, and the majority of people have been driving together for nearly 3 years now. However, my leadership team and I have our eyes on several clients who may be a great fit for this training, and will curate another Elite Cohort as candidates emerge. You can find more information at joeyklein.com/elite-cohort, and book an Alignment Call to explore what’s possible. I firmly believe that everyone deserves to live a life they love.