Principles are the codes by which we live our lives. Some of the principles we live by are programmed into us by our parents, others we pick up along the way. Some principles require work, practice, and intention. Others are simply ingrained in us and we practice them without even realizing it. As a company, we at IMS operate inside of a set of culture principles that give us a playbook for what we’re going to do and who we’re going to be. In order for principles to be more than just words in a company handbook or beautifully stenciled noise on the walls of a corporate office, they need to be practiced, trained and tested. They need to be lived. In this series, I’ll explore several of our IMS principles as well as a few others that have been top of mind. Today: Responsibility.
Like many of the principles we’ve discussed in this series, Responsibility is one of those words that can mean different things to different people. Sometimes responsibility = Things I have to do. You give your kids a list of tasks to do around the house, responsibilities: take out the trash, clean their room, give mom a foot massage. And hopefully you throw them a buck or two for their trouble. Sometimes we use responsibility to point the finger of blame: Kurt’s responsible for the foul odor in the employee lounge. We also use it to describe “doing the right thing”: Beer commercials, after showing us all the beautiful young people partying at a rooftop pool, admonish us to “drink responsibly”.
I like to say responsibility is a choice. It’s making a decision, and the result of that decision is what we’re going to be accountable for. In other words, responsibility is the art of predetermining what we’re going to answer to. Most people don’t take a moment to pause and ask the question, What’s going to happen if I do X,Y, or Z? What will be the result? What am I going to answer to? For most people, the entirety of the decision making process stops at what they want. There’s an impulse, it’s convenient, they do it. Full stop. Zero consideration of the implications for them or the people around them. Kurt knows that nuking his leftover tilapia in the common microwave is going to stink up the joint. He doesn’t stop to think about how this horrendous, unforgivable act is going to affect the people around him. He just wants his lunch.
The other day, I get a call from my guy at Porsche. Izzy. He says, Joey, I got something for you, you gotta come see it. I’m like, Izzy, I can’t, I got a million things… But the dealership is only five minutes away. Okay, so what can it hurt? Let’s have a look. I pull in and he’s got a Porsche 911 Turbo S out front. Just sitting there, waiting for me. Hands me the keys, says, Have fun! So I take it for a spin (and any of you who’ve taken a ride with me know what that means) and when I get back, I’m like, I want this car, right? I want it. And most people, they want it, they buy it. But I stopped and asked myself the questions: What will the purchase mean? What will it mean for my short term financial reality? For my long-term financial reality? What impact will it have on those around me? What will it mean for my emotional well-being? Am I going to be stressing about this purchase in 6 months or am I going to feel great about it? Is this a life value add, or is it a life value takeaway? See, that's a different process around a decision than most people engage in.
Practicing a principle of responsibility means applying it to all aspects of our lives, and not just around the major decisions, but the minor ones too. It’s easy to stop and consider the big ticket items: What college do I want to go to? What career do I want to have? Should I wear white pants after Labor Day? But it’s the little choices, the day-to-day, where practicing responsible decision-making can have the biggest impact.
I offered up my experience with Izzy and the Porsche as an example of financial decision making, but it’s an example involving a major purchase. There are all kinds of micro-decisions we make around money everyday. Should we order out for dinner or cook at home? Should I take the extra five minutes and drive to the gas station that’s 10 cents/gallon cheaper? Should I go for a mani/pedi at the salon or whip out the emery board while I watch the finale of Master Chef? It may seem on the surface that the money saving decision is always the right one. But in reality, maybe the High Protein Bowl from Chipotle is the better choice for tonight because cooking will chew up the time you need to finalize that presentation you’re giving first thing in the morning. The presentation that might decide the promotion you’ve had your eye on for the last six months.
Everyone tells Gary he makes the best chili, he should bottle it, he’d make billions. If Gary comes to me and says, Joey, people love my chili, say I should sell it, I’ll be set for life, then I would say, That’s awesome, Gary! What exactly does it look like? Are you going to pursue this as a career or kind of a hobby that you hope will take off? Are you going to quit your job? What will that look like financially in three months? In six months? Two years from now? What will it mean for your family? What’s your excitement level going to be when you’re making your five thousandth pot of chili? Are you still going to be “pot” committed? (See what I did there?) Gary may want to be the next Chili King of Minnesota, but just wanting it is not enough. He’s got to think through the outcome, what he’s going to be accountable for, and decide if it’s the best decision for him, for his family, for his and their emotional and financial well-being.
Practicing responsible decision-making across the board ingrains the behavior until it becomes a way of being. So that when those big moments come our way, we don’t have to stop and think about whether we should stop and think about it. We just do it. The same applies to how we behave inside our relationships. It can be trickier because it’s easy to fall into patterns and routines and we may not always realize how our behaviors or decisions affect the people we’re in relationship with.
Let’s say you’re considering a large purchase, like, I don’t know, a Porsche 911 Turbo S, just to pick a random example. When you’re asking yourself what making that purchase is going to mean, one of those questions needs to be, What is this going to mean for my spouse or partner? How is it going to affect them? What will it mean if I make the purchase without consulting with them first? When you enter into a relationship with someone, you are opting in to function as a unit. You’re signing up to hold yourself responsible for that relationship. It’s the only way a relationship can work. If you intend to continue doing whatever you want, whenever you want, then you’re not really in a relationship; you’re just two people sharing the same space.
But responsibility in relationship is about more than just checking in before spending a lot of money. It’s about being aware of the way your behaviors affect the other person. You don’t have to obsess about it, dissecting every decision. That would drive you crazy. It just means asking yourself one question: What will this mean for them? What will it mean for them if I quit my job to pursue this thing I’ve always wanted to do? What will it mean for them if I make this sarcastic comment? What will it mean for them if I put glasses in the bottom shelf of the dishwasher?
To be clear, considering how a decision might affect your partner or consulting with them first doesn’t mean you’re always going to make a different choice. They might tell you that buying a Porsche 911 Turbo S is a terrible idea but you may decide to go ahead and buy it anyway. That’s fine, but you’ll also account for whatever outcome that creates. Being responsible in a relationship means owning your shit. They’ve clearly communicated how they feel about your decision or your behavior, you can’t then turn around and get upset with them for being nonplussed with the results of that decision or behavior. You decided to go ahead and put those glasses in the bottom shelf, now you’re going to have to reap the whirlwind.
Finally, responsibility to the body. You know what I wanted for breakfast this morning? French toast. Big thick slices, fried golden brown in a pan of butter, floating in a pool of real maple syrup. That’s what I wanted. What did I have? Three eggs, over easy, and a sliced up avocado. Tasty enough, but not nearly as wonderful as that French toast. But I know that I feel a hell of a lot better now than I would have after the ten minute French toast party in my mouth. Like everything else we’ve been discussing, responsibility to the body means asking the question, What will this mean?
What will it mean if I have that third, or sixth, glass of wine? What will it mean if that tub of Cherry Garcia is sitting in the freezer? What will it mean if I just take one day off from going to the gym? If you’ve created a solid fitness regimen and you’ve developed a strong discipline around it, maybe taking a day off is no big deal. But for most people, taking a day off makes it a lot easier to take the next day off too. Then, why not take the whole week off and make a fresh start on Monday? Remember, responsibility is a choice; accountability is not. You’re free to make whatever decisions you want, but you’re going to have to live with the results of those decisions.
I work with high-achievers. People at the top of their game. My clients are individuals who want to make an impact—whether it is on their family, their community or the world at large—they have a drive and desire to be exceptional, and they want RESULTS. Part of creating those results is developing and training a principle of Responsibility. One of the places I go deep into training principles is with the Elite Cohort, a group of up to 20 individuals who drive together through a year-round curriculum led by yours truly. These folks want to optimize every area of life, and we get results.
The current Elite Cohort is full. The chemistry is just right, and the majority of people have been driving together for nearly 3 years now. However, my leadership team and I have our eyes on several clients who may be a great fit for this training, and will curate another Elite Cohort as candidates emerge. You can find more information at joeyklein.com/elite-cohort, and book an Alignment Call to explore what’s possible. I firmly believe that everyone deserves to live a life they love.