When I ask new clients the question, “What really matters to you?” the answers are almost always the same: My children, my spouse or partner, my career, my health, etc. Pretty obvious answers because those are all really important things, right? Then I ask them, “What are you doing to make sure your relationships are vibrant and healthy? To make sure your career is thriving and fulfilling? To make sure your body is strong and healthy?” They tend to stumble over those a little bit, searching for the answer they think I want to hear. And then I ask them, “When you look at all these aspects of your life, what do you want them to look like in ten years?” A lot of confused looks. “Twenty years?” Forget about it.
What we’re really talking about here is the ability to create a vision for your life. The ability to hone in on what really matters and then create the reality where those things thrive. Most people struggle with just naming a vision for themselves, and if you can't name it you haven't got a snowball's chance in hell to fulfill it, right? One of the key reasons people struggle to name what they want to create is that they are afraid to pick the wrong thing. They drive themselves in an endless loop, talking themselves into and out of (and into again) a never ending list of options. It’s not because they don’t know what they want. It’s because they’re letting old emotional patterns get in the way.
There are so many constructs overlaid onto who we are, starting from even before we're born. “Little Suzie is going to be a ballerina!”; “Timmy's going to be a Little League Star!”; “Joanie will be an astronaut!” Poor Suzie. She can’t even walk yet and she’s being fitted for pointe shoes. That's going to create some particular emotional patterns around meeting the expectations of others. We’ve all got them, no matter where we come from. You've got families where the only acceptable things to become are a doctor, lawyer or accountant. You've got your circus families where everyone's got a special talent. But these childhood constructs don’t always align with what we want for ourselves.
You hate Tupperware. But you have loads of it stuffed into your cupboards. Your mom used Tupperware, you grew up with Tupperware, why wouldn’t you use Tupperware? It doesn’t matter if you don’t like it, you just use it. Then you see a set of nice glass containers with snap-on lids and really want to get them, but you talk yourself out of it because… well, you use Tupperware.
Now, this is a very simple example, but it demonstrates what I’m talking about. We can easily get caught in emotional and behavioral patterns because we’re used to the outcomes, even when those outcomes don’t make us happy or fulfilled. Which is why, for so many, just naming what they want to create can be a stressful exercise. They struggle because they've never asked the fundamental question: What Really Matters? What's important to me?
Try it. Close your eyes a second (well, wait until you’re done reading this, for now imagine you’re closing your eyes) and ask yourself: What's really important to me? It might be your family, your health, your career, but it doesn’t have to be. Maybe it’s just having a feeling of peace inside. Or to be growing and evolving. Maybe it’s your pet bearded dragon. Hey, I don’t know what you’re into.
The point is, you’ve got to get clear. And nevermind those naysayer voices trying to tell you why you don’t deserve to have what you want, or the voices of expectations placed on you by others, for now just get as clear as you can about the things in life that matter to you the most. Because clarity begets clarity. Getting clear on what matters to you the most will provide clarity and context for naming a vision of what you want to create in your life.
If you know what you want but you just can’t seem to make it happen, it’s most likely because you haven’t taken the time to name a vision for it. Join us for our Power Series and we’ll guide you through the process of identifying what’s most important to you and how to name and create a vision that won’t be muddled with ballet slippers and Tupperware containers. Click HERE to learn more about the Power Series and sign up today!