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Wouldn’t that be nice? Most of the self-helpy stuff out there offer strategies for “surviving” the holidays, but why just survive when we can thrive? I find that the pressures people feel as the holidays approach usually fall into three categories: family, money, and what happens to our bodies after all of grandma’s cooking. So I thought I’d work up a little inspirational cheat sheet you can carry around in your pocket or write on your forearm like a quarterback for quick reference. Because, like all the work we do here, thriving through the holidays is all about managing our emotions and our expectations.
For most people, the holidays mean an extra helping of family time, both immediate family and the extended varieties. And for most of those people, all that extra togetherness triggers an avalanche of stress and anxiety. Over the years of doing this work, I’ve found that most of that stress and anxiety is rooted in old emotional patterns that developed way back when we were just little tikes. Mom and dad arguing over the Christmas budget. Meltdowns in the kitchen because the standing rib roast came out more like a lounging lump of coal. The complete change in atmosphere after Uncle Barry’s had his fourth scotch and soda.
Of course we weren’t aware of these things on a conscious level. We were too busy tearing around the house with our cousins, high on sugar, daring each other to sneak a sip from one of Uncle Barry’s dead soldiers. But we absorbed all of it, and as the years passed, those early experiences came to define our own emotional responses to the holiday gatherings. The good news is, we don’t have to stay trapped in those old patterns. We can learn to recognize them, understand where they’re coming from, and then shift or even eradicate them altogether so that we can develop new ones. And part of that process is learning to manage our expectations.
Look, if you come down to gather around the tree on Christmas morning, and you’re expecting your five and seven year old kids to politely take turns opening their gifts, neatly fold up the wrapping paper, then express their undying gratitude for the new pair of flannel jammies, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. They’re kids. Which puts them a couple of rungs up the ladder from a brain damaged ferret. The morning of December 25th, the last thing on your kids’ minds is proper decorum. They’re going to be loud and thankless and they’re going to make a mess. Set your expectations there and save yourself the headache. You might even find you can actually enjoy it.
Same goes for the family gathering later that afternoon. Expect that your cousin Dave is going to show up empty-handed, consume the most and help out the least. In fact, not at all. Expect that your nineteen-year-old niece, who decided to become vegan five minutes ago, is going to launch into a Ted Talk about how the ham everyone’s eating is nothing short of a murder victim at the hands of the agro-industrial complex. And expect your mother-in-law to drop little nuggets of disappointment over everything from the temperature in the house to the preparation of the mashed potatoes. Annoying? Sure. But when you prepare yourself emotionally beforehand, nothing can knock you off your game.
Another aspect of the holidays that can send a person’s blood pressure through the roof is money. But that doesn’t have to be the case. Even if it’s been a lean year, you can utilize strategies for managing your emotions around money and the holidays. Try setting a budget before you make your shopping list. Remember the old saying, It’s the thought that counts? The value of the gift isn’t about the price tag, it’s about the intention behind the gift. Get creative, think outside the box, and get excited about things you can do or give rather than just what you can buy. Avoid the shock of January credit card bills by making a plan and checking in with it as the season develops.
Finally, a lot of people get very anxious about the toll the holidays will take on their bodies. Like all the hard work they’ve done since last January will go right out the window as soon as grandma brings out the sugar dipped cannolis stuffed with butter and cheese. But the truth is, when we’re doing the work with consistency and intention, the body is far more resilient than we give it credit for. Calendar your movement throughout the year and stick to a regular regimen of diet and fitness. When you see October is slipping into November, maybe calendar a little extra as a proactive measure. Aim to focus on nourishing the body in an optimal way between those special holiday parties and gatherings, so that you can enjoy that cannoli and still start the year feeling amazing!
When the holidays roll around, stress and anxiety don’t have to be as ubiquitous as the Christmas carols blaring from the supermarket speakers. By managing our emotions and our expectations around family, money, and health, we can learn to relax and actually enjoy ourselves for a change. Afterall, the holidays are supposed to be a time for celebration, reflection, and joy, not wishing we could slip into a coma until the second week of January. If you’re thinking to yourself, That sounds great Joey, but Christmas is just a month away and I’m still nursing a gravy hangover from last week, maybe you could use a little check-in. Our IM Trainers are revved up and ready to support you through the holiday season. Click HERE to learn more about our Power Series and sign up today!
