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Principles are the codes by which we live our lives. Some of the principles we live by are programmed into us by our parents, others we pick up along the way. Some principles require work, practice, and intention. Others are simply ingrained in us and we practice them without even realizing it. As a company, we at IMS operate inside of a set of culture principles that give us a playbook for what we’re going to do and who we’re going to be. In order for principles to be more than just words in a company handbook or beautifully stenciled noise on the walls of a corporate office, they need to be practiced, trained and tested. They need to be lived. In this series, I’ll explore several of our IMS principles as well as a few others that have been top of mind. Today: Respect.
This is a big one. Aretha Franklin sang about it. Rodney Dangerfield joked about it. Every mobster movie or TV show is about guys givin’ respect, lookin’ for respect, bustin’ kneecaps for respect. In our society, across cultures, respect is held at extremely high value, both the respect we give and the respect we’re given. But what is it, exactly? How do we get it? How do we show it? Here at IMS we say, offer respect always and freely, but never expect it. Drop your expectation of how others are going to treat you because when you expect particular treatment, you tie your state to the other person’s condition. Instead hold yourself to a place of higher accord.
I find that people often confuse or conflate the idea of respect with thoughts and feelings that really aren’t about respect at all. We’ve all probably had that fiery tempered boss who demanded a high level of respect but what they really wanted was for us to fear them. Respect is not someone fearing you. Respect is deep admiration for someone based on their character, their accomplishments, their quality of being inspirational, trustworthy, and loyal. Not because they yell or threaten or slam doors. And the great thing about respect, the more you freely offer it, the more likely you are to receive it.
In the workplace it’s critical to establish mutual respect among team members, leadership, and every level in between. Showing respect at work means being open to hearing what other people have to say, considering their ideas thoughtfully even when you disagree, and allowing people to develop strategies and styles that might be different from your own. It’s also important to respect leadership or other positions of authority, regardless of the individuals that hold those positions. Sure, your boss might have, let’s say, some room to grow as a leader, but you’ve got to respect the role they play in the workplace structure. Finally, you have to show respect for the workplace itself. The office is not your personal space so treat it accordingly. Keep your area clean, don’t show up to work in your pajamas (unless, of course, it’s p.j. day) and whatever you do, don’t break the cardinal rule: No nuking your leftover fish in the employee kitchen.
Kirk doesn’t understand the concept of respect in the workplace. He struts around the office like his you-know-what doesn’t stink, he talks down to his subordinates, he gossips about leadership behind their backs but kisses up to them every chance he gets, he thinks it’s hilarious to stink up the employee bathroom, and, you guessed it: mackerel in the microwave. It’s not surprising that his teammates refer to him as Kirk the Jerk. Not very creative, but it hits the nail on the head. Because of Kirk’s utter lack of respect for the workplace and the people he works with, he receives very little respect in return. If this were a reality show, it would make for good TV, but it’s not a reality show, it’s a place where work is supposed to be getting done.
So what to do if you find yourself with a Kirk on your team? Remember: Offer respect always and freely, but never expect it. Hey, Kirk’s going to be Kirk, there’s not much you can do about it. And he must be good at something or he probably wouldn’t be around for long. So offer respect for what he does well and drop your expectation of how others are going to treat you because when you expect particular treatment, you tie your state to the other person’s condition. If you show up for work thinking, “Maybe today’s the day that Kirk’s going to turn over a new leaf,” you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.
What about respect in relationships? At first, this may seem like a no-brainer. I mean who wants to be in a relationship with someone they don’t respect or someone who doesn’t respect them? If you have a friend who continuously behaves in ways that you don’t condone or who treats you like something they dragged in on the bottom of their shoe, then it’s probably best to drop them like a bad habit. Why waste your time? It’s okay to be discerning when choosing the people we allow into our lives. But it’s not so cut-and-dry when it comes to family members, spouses, and children. These are relationships we can’t often or easily just walk away from.
Margie and Phil have three kids. Their oldest, Tyler, is in his last semester of college. He’s been studying engineering, already has a couple offers from some big firms when he graduates, and Margie has been bragging to all her friends. Recently Tyler dropped a bombshell: He’s not going to pursue a career in engineering. Instead, he’s going to focus on his passion for making decorative pottery. You could say that Tyler isn’t respecting his parents wishes, or the thousands of dollars they’ve spent on his education. And maybe he can offer to pay his parents back with all that decorative pottery cash, but at the end of the day, it’s Tyler’s life and he deserves to create the life that he wants to lead.
There was a time when Margie would have been devastated, embarrassed, furious that her oldest son could be so careless. Decorative pottery?! But guess what? Margie’s been training, she’s learned to manage her emotional state rather than tying it to the emotional states of others. And she’s learned the importance of respect. As a mother, Margie wants her children to thrive but she also knows the best way to facilitate that is to respect their decisions. Financially speaking, Tyler might have a rough road ahead of him, but it’s not going to be made any easier if his parents shame him or forbid him from pursuing his passion. That’s a recipe for disaster.
Finally, when it comes to health and vitality, what’s more important than respecting the body? One definition of respect is: politeness, honor, and care shown toward someone or something that is considered important. Politeness, honor, and care. These are all ways in which we would like to be treated by others, so why wouldn’t we offer those very things to ourselves? Something that is considered important. I certainly hope we all consider our bodies to be important. It’s kinda hard to, you know, live without one. But I gotta say, sometimes I look around and can’t help but think there’s a lot of people out there who didn’t get the memo.
There are any number of reasons why people struggle with fitness. But if you’re committed to getting into shape, the number one place to start is learning to respect the body. To get there, just take a moment to consider how remarkable the body is. Did you know that we’re almost entirely made up of only six basic elements? Carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, oxygen, phosphorus, and sulfur. Those six chemical elements come together to make our organs and muscles, our brain and nervous system. Throw in a little calcium and we get bones and teeth. When you think about the expansiveness of the universe and the conditions being present for those six elements to come together in just the right way to create life, it’s astonishing that we even exist at all. The things our bodies can do, walk, run, jump, climb, squat, stretch, swim, roll, flip. We think and we feel. We’re the most sophisticated and complex machine that nature has ever created and yet most people probably take better care of their cars than they do their own bodies.
It’s easy to take the body for granted. It’s just always there, doing its thing, and it becomes easy to start thinking of the “you” that lives inside your head as being something separate from the body that carries “you” around. Until you get sick, right? One day with the flu and you’d happily sell your youngest child just to feel better. But when you train respect for the body you train appreciation for the fact that “you” are a bit lost without it. Respect for the body opens the door to inspiration and a determination to get it into the best shape possible.
I work with high-achievers. People at the top of their game. My clients are individuals who want to make an impact—whether it is on their family, their community or the world at large—they have a drive and desire to be exceptional, and they want RESULTS. Part of creating those results is developing and training a principle of Respect. One of the places I go deep into training principles is with the Elite Cohort, a group of up to 20 individuals who drive together through a year-round curriculum led by yours truly. These folks want to optimize every area of life, and we get results.
The current Elite Cohort is full. The chemistry is just right, and the majority of people have been driving together for nearly 3 years now. However, my leadership team and I have our eyes on several clients who may be a great fit for this training, and will curate another Elite Cohort as candidates emerge. You can find more information at joeyklein.com/elite-cohort, and book an Alignment Call to explore what’s possible. I firmly believe that everyone deserves to live a life they love.
