Well, we all blinked our eyes and now the holidays are just around the corner. A season of giving. A celebration of generosity. Maybe you're thinking about a special something you'd like to ask for for Christmas (or 17 special somethings); maybe you're thinking about the special things you'd like to do for others. Or maybe you’re a Scrooge. Grumpy and disgruntled and tight-fisted. My girlfriend is the opposite of a Scrooge. She loves to give gifts (almost) as much as she likes receiving them. She tells me it's her 'love language'. In fact, she’s raised gift-giving nearly to the level of an art form.
It's got me thinking about Generosity as a quality, and the role of our Inner Matrix in whether or not we're likely to be generous people. Your Inner Matrix is made up of your unique set of Emotions, Thoughts, and Nervous System. Your nervous system is constantly absorbing and interpreting the information around you. The way it communicates its findings is through emotions. When the nervous system senses danger, we feel things like fear, anxiety, anger. When it feels safe, we feel calmness, serenity, joy. The emotions we feel drive the mind to think in a particular way, and it does that by referencing our past experiences.
When we talk about a characteristic like generosity, I often find that our propensity toward being generous is an extension of our thoughts and beliefs about money. If we've got a scarcity mindset around money kicking around in the old Inner Matrix, we're less likely to engage in generous acts than if our Inner Matrix features an abundance mindset with money. I mean, it’s not rocket science. If you grew up in a home where money was always tight, where most of your clothes came from an older sibling or a bin at the Goodwill, where mom saved the margarine tubs to use as Tupperware, then you probably have some pretty strong opinions around money and your enthusiasm to part with it.
The thing is, when you drive from a scarcity mindset, it doesn’t matter how much you have, you’ll continue to struggle around generosity. Even if you’re feeling inclined (or maybe compelled) to an act of generosity, Girl Scout cookies, PTA fundraiser, donating to the Edible Arrangeables for Janice’s birthday, you’ll do it begrudgingly. Later on you might think, I literally have a million dollars in the market, why am I getting bent out of shape over the price of a box of Thin Mints? The answer is, it has nothing to do with the cost of the cookies, it has to do with the patterns that were trained when you were just a pup. If you want to change your mindset around money and generosity, you’ve got to start with your emotions around them.
Humility and gratitude are emotional drivers that make us more likely to be open, giving, appreciative, and generous in nature, rather than, say, drivers like betrayal, abandonment, and insecurity. Again, we’re not solving the riddle of the Sphinx here. If you operate from a place of gratitude for what you have, it’s almost impossible to not want to share it with others. If instead you live in constant fear of losing what you’ve got, then you’re going to want to hang on to every bit of it. The good news is, you can decide how you want to feel. You can train the nervous system to access different emotions around money and your likelihood to be generous with it.
And finally, if you, like my girlfriend, happened to be raised by a parent or grandparent who LOVED getting gifts, who put every fingerpainting you brought home on the fridge (with a magnet that had your school picture on it), you would have imprints in your nervous system that associated joy with giving. And you, my friend, would likely demonstrate generosity as a way of being. If, on the other hand, you brought home your popsicle stick construction project in third grade and it was met with, Oh shit, where are we going to put that monstrosity?...presenting others with gifts might not be your thing.
But remember what Scrooge learned at the end of the story? That giving feels good! I don’t care how much of a curmudgeon you might be, you can’t stop that little buzz in your chest when you watch someone open a gift you’ve given them. And it feels good for a reason. Generosity is a strength. It establishes trust, builds relationships. The nervous system recognizes acts of generosity as being good for our survival so it gives us a dose of the good feels. So if your default is to the Scrooge side of the ledger, then something is probably mucking up the works. The good news is, you don’t have to wait for three ghosts to show up and terrify you in the middle of the night. Instead, you can design who you choose to be...and then train that shit (eh hem, the emotions, thoughts and actions of that person you choose to be)! AND you can influence others just like my girlfriend is influencing me in the gift giving department.
So let’s not waste anymore time! I mean, Thanksgiving is like, next week! Let’s spend the holidays in a place of gratitude and generosity and not a place of bah, humbug. Join us for our Power Series and we’ll get you started down the path of training new patterns in your nervous system. Click HERE to learn more and sign up today!
