Joey Klein Of Inner Matrix Systems Shares Why You're More Important Than You Think
You're more important than you think. This is not a ticket to get a big head and start behaving badly. It's a reminder that in the lives of those you know and love—in your Relationships—who you are is truly important. As we're knee deep in what most people think of as the season of giving, I like to reflect on the fact that first and foremost, what we give to those closest to us is tied to who we are being and the example we set. In this context, I’m not talking about gifts or stocking stuffers. When I say ‘what we give’ I’m talking about the impact we have on the people in our lives.
Take Melanie, for example. She’s a single mom, raising a ten-year-old daughter named Abby while holding down a career in advertising. Abby’s dad decided he wasn’t ready to be a dad, or a husband, or a decent human being, really, and he took off when Abby was just a baby. As you might imagine, it was quite an emotional blow to Melanie, one that she’s never really gotten over. For nearly ten years she’s been carrying around a sack full of anger and resentment, and in that time it’s grown to include not just her ex-husband but pretty much the entire male population.
Melanie works her butt off. Last year she was promoted to senior V.P. at the advertising firm. She provides a nice home in a nice neighborhood so that Abby can go to good schools. By most metrics, Melanie is a good mom. But that anger and resentment is always lurking under the surface. Sometimes it comes out in a jokey way, like when she and Abby changed a tire on the Lexus and Melanie proclaimed, “We don’t need no stinking men!” Sometimes it’s not so jokey. Look, Abby’s going to have her own journey around being abandoned by her father and how that’s going to affect future relationships with men. And Melanie doesn’t even realize she’s doing it, but ten years worth of quips like, “You can never trust a man”, Abby’s nervous system is being wired to view men as the enemy. Let me tell you, that’s a gift that’s going to keep on giving.
On the other hand, there’s Kenny and Jill. They’ve been together for a couple years now and Kenny is getting ready to pop the question. He’s also about to celebrate six months since he opened his restaurant and so far it’s going gangbusters. But if you ran into Kenny three years ago when he was working as an assistant manager at Olive Garden and told him how rosy his life was going to be, he never would have believed you. Kenny grew up in a home where ambition was viewed as uppity. In the Coleman household, you stayed in your lane and you played the cards you were dealt.
Then Kenny met Jill. Jill’s a go-getter. The idea that you couldn’t, or shouldn’t, go after everything you want in life is one that’s never even occurred to Jill. When Kenny told Jill his dream was to open his own restaurant (something he’d never dared to tell anyone), Jill’s only response was, “Cool. What kind of food?” As Kenny started to actually think he could do it, as he started to work up a business plan, as he started looking for investors, not once did Jill say, “Whoa, you better slow your roll” or “Don’t bite off more than you can chew.” But neither was she a cheerleader, saying things like, “I believe in you!” or “I know you can do it!” She didn’t need to say those things. Just by being the person she is, she inspired Kenny, she demonstrated a way of living that Kenny had simply never known before. Let’s all wish Kenny and Jill a nice happily-ever-after.
But when we talk about relationships and the impact we have on the people in our lives, we’re not just talking about family members and significant others. Craig works for a software development company. He’s very good at what he does, which is great for the company he works for but not so great for the people he works with. Craig is what you might call a Debbie Downer. Or in this case, maybe a Denny Downer. The point is, just the energy of this guy can suck the air out of a room. He has no idea, of course. He’s just being Craig, naysaying his way through life. And the guy knows his way around an algorithm, so as far as management’s concerned, he’s the bee's knees. But his coworkers certainly feel it and it’s a real bummer for whoever gets teamed with Craig on a project. No one wants to be the Craig in the office. And you know the old saying, If you don’t know the Craig in your office, maybe it’s you!
Meanwhile, there’s Donna. She leads a team in the marketing division of a Fortune 500 company. Donna’s team consistently outperforms every other team in the division. If you asked Donna for the secret of her success, she would give all credit to her team. But if you asked the people who work for her, all of them, to a person, would agree that Donna was the driving force. They would use words like Creative and Inspiring and Empowering. Donna would say something like, aw shucks, because as far as she’s concerned, she’s just doing her job.
The truth is, we all impact people’s lives in ways that we don’t even realize. Some ways good, some ways maybe not so great. So, before you make your shopping list this holiday season, pay attention to what you're bringing to the people in your life. Because the good news is, when we’re paying attention, we can decide how we want to show up. And hey, look at it this way, we’re going to have an impact on the people around us no matter what, so why not take ownership?
Our Power Series is designed to provide you with the tools, techniques and strategies for taking ownership in what we consider the three key areas of life: Career/Finance, Health/Body, and Relationships. A key to building healthy and vibrant relationships in our life is to understand how much we can influence other people’s lives without even being aware of it. But with training, we can learn to recognize when we’re not showing up in an optimal way and shift our behavior. Likewise, when we understand our talents and our strengths, we can train those up and make our impact even more powerful.
So join us for our Power Series and let’s get you tuned up and connected with the relationships in your life. Click HERE to learn more and sign up today!
