Nurturing Lasting Love: Sustaining Marriage Beyond the Honeymoon Phase

 The big day has arrived. The bride and groom look shiny and new, standing at an altar or under a trellis at some beautiful outdoor venue. Months worth of planning has finally all come together. The food, the flowers, the cake. Dresses for the bridesmaids, tuxedos or suits for the groomsmen. The wedding planner, the caterer, the deejay have all been paid for services about to be rendered. Friends and relatives have traveled from wide and far, airline tickets have been purchased, hotel rooms have been booked. But more importantly, the couple at the center of it all are about to enter into the sacred institution of marriage. They are about to vow to love, cherish, and support each other. They are joining their lives with the intention of creating a new one together. So it would be unimaginable to think that, as they are exchanging their vows, the bride and groom are thinking to themselves, “Meh, I guess this will do until something better comes along.” No, they are entering this union completely committed and filled with optimism. 

But the honeymoon doesn’t last forever, does it? As the months and years go by, the sheen can begin to wear off a bit. You find yourself grinding your teeth at the little quirks and habits that you used to find so charming. The reality of domestic life and sharing a home with another person begins to settle in. He leaves the toilet seat up. Really? Did I marry a ten-year-old? She loads the dishwasher like she has some kind of grudge against it. How does she not know that glassware goes on top, plates go on the bottom? Was she raised by a pack of hyenas? He washes lights and darks together like some kind of neanderthal. She’s never met a cupboard she didn’t leave open. It’s the little things. But sometimes little things are enough to derail a marriage.

Entering marriage is a major undertaking. But making a marriage last is an ongoing process. It requires focus. And just the intention of having a strong, loving marriage isn’t enough. Because we don’t create what we intend, we create what we focus on. (Like toilet lids, dishwashers and cupboard doors.) Remember, thoughts are energy. So the thoughts we choose to focus on determine where that energy is going to go.  If you focus on how to create wealth and that's the constant focus, you end up creating wealth over time. If you feel a lot of love inside and focus on being loving, you will tend to draw a lot of people around you who are very loving, who are very supportive. People who are healthy in the body tend to focus on health. Whatever we focus on motivates action and then manifests into physical form.

So when we talk about marriage, something that will hopefully last for decades, how do we make sure that our thoughts and energies are being focused in the right place? Like I said, a marriage requires focus, but that doesn’t mean it has to be complicated. As with everything else we work on and strive for, it all comes back to having a vision. What do you want your marriage to look like? What are the emotions you want to have present? What benchmarks do you have in common with your spouse? And just as importantly, where do you differ from each other? It’s okay to not be on the same page about every single thing. In fact, if you compromise yourself or deny your own needs in order to satisfy your partner, that’s called codependency, and that’s not good for anyone.

Don’t let the little things get in the way of having a strong, vibrant marriage. At IMS we can provide you with tools and strategies to help you focus your energy in the right places. Click HERE to learn more about our Power Series curriculum and how you can sign up today!