When I made the decision to take control of my life, the first thing I had to figure out was, who in the hell am I going to be? I knew I didn’t want to keep going the way I was going, but without any real role models in my life, I was on my own to figure it out. What occurred to me was to look for people who were living in the world the way I wanted to be and then just do whatever they had done. Makes sense, right? Turns out it was a little more intricate than that, but I wasn’t off the mark.
We’ve all had the experience of meeting people that have it, right? Just something about them, charm, or charisma, maybe it’s an intensity, maybe it’s a warmness that seems to embrace you. If you spend any time around a C-suite you probably run into these types all the time (except maybe the warm and fuzzy ones). Professionals at the top of their game who leave an energy in the air after they’ve left the room. It can be easy to assume it’s a superpower, an innate ability that they’re just born with. And sure, it comes easier for some than others. But if you were born a mere mortal like most of us it doesn’t mean you’re out of luck.
What qualities and principles do you want to be known for? If you could design your ideal professional profile, what would it look like? Think about the people you admire the most and the qualities that give them that it factor. Maybe it’s Marcia in the corner office with her impeccable accuracy and never-say-die tenacity. Maybe it’s Clark on the leadership team with his fairness coupled with fearlessness that you find both admirable and inspirational. It doesn’t have to be limited to someone in your professional life. Look at your friends and relatives. Sure, Uncle Barry can always be counted on to make inappropriate jokes at Thanksgiving, but he also has masterful listening skills, the way he engages in conversation and makes you feel like you’re the only person in the world. It’s an invaluable skill to have. You might even recognize qualities you hadn’t considered before, like your sister’s ability to always have fun, even in a crisis or time-crunch. Wouldn’t it be nice to bring that to the next quarterly planning session?
Keep observing the people with admirable qualities that you’d like to adopt. Hone in on the top three traits you want to define your professional brand. Integrity, honesty, and fairness. Determination, innovation, and stick-to-it-iveness. Hey, I don't know who you want to be. Once you narrow it down to your top three, and, you might be saying, but Joey, I have six. Great, you could have ten or twelve, but let’s be honest. You try to train a dozen new qualities at once, you’ll end up training exactly zero. So start with three. It’s what your brain and nervous system can handle without feeling overloaded. Master those, then take on three more, and so on.
Take the three traits you want to work with and start training them, one at a time, by doing a little homework and simply using your imagination. Study those people you admire and take note of the trait in action. What does it look like? How does it sound? What emotional energy is present? When you see Marcia take on a new challenge like a dog with a bone, imagine the emotional state she’s operating from. I can almost guarantee you it’s not one of insecurity, doubt, or unworthiness. What are the emotional states you need to access in order to get your Marcia groove on?
Once you've mapped out what each trait looks like, and what occurs to you as the emotion behind it, focus on one of them each month, and practice embodying that trait from the inside out—the emotion, the thoughts, the words or actions. If you’re cultivating thoughtfulness or trustworthiness, pay attention to who you’re being in the room. Are you always looking the other person in the eye, pausing before speaking, asking their opinion, etc.? Practice accessing the emotional state that aligns with the quality you want to embody.
Let’s say you’re up against a hard deadline and, due to circumstances beyond your control, you’re not going to make it. A co-worker presents a fix that could be an easy way out, but it will mean compromising the quality of the work. If you’re training integrity as a hallmark of your professional brand, then the words “easy way out” probably shouldn’t be in your vocabulary. And you’re not going to get there if you let emotions like fear, anger or shame steer the ship. Integrity is fueled by inspiration, calm, confidence. It’s going to be hard to fess up to missing the deadline, you’ll need to be accountable for it, but you’ll show the client and the members of your team that you can take some punches and still come back swinging.
The way to get there is by training the qualities you want to adopt until they simply become your way of being. Training new behaviors is like training anything else. Proper execution and repetition. If you want to get into better shape, you can go to the gym and be inspired by the guys whose muscles have muscles, but you’ll never replicate those results if you don’t first replicate the means of getting there. Following specific instruction, executing properly on that instruction, and doing it again and again and again until it just becomes what you do.
The same is true for training behavior, except that instead of training your muscles, we’re training your nervous system. The challenge here is that the nervous system doesn’t like change. It doesn’t want to try something new because new is unknown, and unknown can mean danger. Take something simple like developing a firm handshake. The first time you go in to really put ‘er there, you might experience some hesitation. That little voice saying, Is it too aggressive? Am I going to hurt their hand? There’s still time to fist bump! It’s the nervous system reacting with fear to something it’s not used to. But when you learn how the nervous system operates, you can recognize when and why certain emotions are being triggered, then shift to a state that aligns with the result you want.
So gather up qualities you want to be known for, understand the mechanics behind them, and take them out for a spin. You’ve heard the phrase, “fake it ‘til you make it”? It’s kind of like that except instead of just faking it, you’ll be using the information you’ve gathered to practice with intention the behavior you want to adopt. You won’t be perfect at first. You’ll probably mess up once or twice, or a dozen times. It doesn’t matter. Make course corrections, continue to confirm proper execution, and it will only be a matter of time before the behavior simply becomes part of who you are.
So what are you waiting for? No need to just admire qualities in others when you can adopt them and create a professional brand of your own design. Hey, you’re already ahead of the game, you’ve got all the boxes checked. On paper, you’re a rock star, but there’s just that little something that’s missing. You see it in other people, that it factor, whatever that means for you, but you're just not sure how to get yourself there. That’s what I do. I’ve got the tools, techniques and strategies that allow you to reverse engineer exactly what you want. With my system for training, you can actually feel as good as you look on paper.
Visit joeyklein.com to learn more and book your Alignment Call today!
